Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Decisions Can Be Difficult....

Thank you to all who left comments on my "getting calm" post. I've taken a few days to just think about life in general....oh, and I did finish the beaded art doll. I'll put some photos on a bit later.

Since I started this blog I've been conflicted about what it's real purpose is going to be. In the beginning I started the blog simply so I could leave comments on other blogs, and that worked for awhile but then I started writing about different aspects of my life and people seemed to enjoy that.

Then I began sharing some of my creative side and that was both good and bad. It helped me recognize that I could be creative but it also showed me how much more other people were doing. That is frustrating!

Then there's all the time involved just reading other blogs and leaving comments. If I stay current with everyone then I have no time to be creative. It's like a double-edged sword.

I've never been good at social things. I'm either too friendly or not friendly enough. I either talk too much or I don't say anything. I either turn everyone off or I make everyone laugh. I never know "The Rules" and so I break all of them! I never quite belong. And no matter what I do I always feel like a fifth wheel or the uninvited guest. I am not part of anything and yet I am. Does any of this make sense?? Plus I've received so many lovely gifts and I haven't reciprocated. Part of that has been my situation with our house, and the other part has been my lack of creativity over the past several months. And no matter what anyone says I feel as if I've let everyone down.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I am deciding if I want to continue with my blog. I've invested a lot of my time into it over the past year and a half, met some really wonderful people, learned so much, and yet it feels empty right now. I have no direction, no subject matter, nothing to write about that even remotely seems interesting.

Just by coincidence, as I had written most of the above a few days ago, I came across this post and it made me realize a couple of things. First, that I'm no longer enjoying my blog and second, that I need to focus on making it either be "me" or just let it go. I've become so involved in reading everyone else's blogs that I forget about my own! I just want my blog to be a reflection of who I am and the things I like....and if you also like those things that's great.

Creating is what I really want to do and if I occasionally have time to write something on my blog then I'll do that but I won't be on here every day and I may not even visit other blogs every day. I just can't keep up!! Apparently I'm not a very organized person because I can't seem to juggle reading a "million" blogs, leave interesting comments on all of them, maintain my home and family, and in my spare time create wonderful works of art! I can't do it!! I'm not a heavy-weight blogger!

So with all that said if I still have any readers left, then I'll continue with random blogging and hope for the best. I love all of you and I hope you aren't offended by this....sometimes my words come out all wrong.