Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Learning About Myself....

Today I'm going to 'fess up. I decided to try one more online book club and told Robyn that I would do The Artist's Way with her group. I told her upfront that I have a bad track record with this kind of thing. STOP! Right there! What did I just do? I set myself up to not participate. And guess what? Last week, week #1, I didn't! I came out of the box already prepared to fail.

I did morning pages a few days but then "something" always came up and I didn't do them. And since I didn't do the morning pages I had no reason to do any of the other things either. I did read the chapter....I almost always read the books when I join these book clubs. At least that's something!

So where is this going, you ask. Well, I have made a commitment to myself that this time I will participate. I will do the morning pages, and read the chapter, and do the other exercises, and even join in on a discussion now and then. I've already proved to myself that I can be disciplined because I've done a page in my journal every day since March 1st. It isn't that. So what is the reason I haven't participated in these book clubs? I love to read. Can't be that. Could it be that I don't think I'm as smart as all those other people and that if I open my mouth and discuss what I think of the book that they will all laugh at me?? YES! It all goes back to school....back in the dark ages. I was always terrified to answer a question for fear of being wrong and having the kids laugh at me.

So here we are with my first breakthrough from The Artist's Way. Not anything to do with art but something very important all the same. My lack of confidence in my mental capacity has held me back so many times and it's trying to do so again. But I won't let it. If I say something stupid in the book discussion what's going to happen?? The world won't come to an end. And if anyone is laughing I can't hear them anyway because we're all online! I guess they could put that little "LOL" thing on my entry but I could live with that. So there you have it. My huge "ah ha" moment from this morning's morning pages.

And here is my art journal page....

Aug 26:

I must say I was disappointed when I scanned this one. It looks so much better in real life than it shows here. I tried toning down the magenta color but then it washed out the black too much. This one just doesn't scan like it really looks. So use your imagination! In case you aren't able to make out what it says here it is: "Big crowds of people are not my favorite thing so if i could have NYC all to myself for 24 hours that would be great! I could go everywhere and see everything without having to be in a big crowd."

I hope whatever you do today it's fulfilling....